Post by tt on Jul 8, 2005 6:15:06 GMT -5
Occasionally we have to deal with bed wetters on the Children's' Unit, in the Hospital where I work. Which always causes me to reflect back upon my youth, and my stint as a bed wetter!
My Mother had a unique, yet less than conventional way of attempting to modify my bed wetting behavior. She thought public humiliation was the way to deal with my bed wetting episodes.
As a child I always slept very deeply and would on occasion forget to wake up in time to stop from wetting the bed. On these occasions my mother would take the wet sheets and hang them outside from the top of the screens on the front porch. For all the neighborhood to see that, yet again I had wet the bed.
During the warmer months Mom would send me outside dressed only in my urine soaked underwear, and pee stained tee shirt. In stead of shoes I wore my winter golashes ( sp? ). ( Those old black rubber boots the type, with the metal buckles that were used to close the accordion style ankle closures. ) But I would only buckle the first 2-3 buckles, so the accordion ankle opening would jostle as I would walk, much like the large black leather boots worn by pirates.
On occasion the wind would pickup and tear one of the sheets from it's perch, sending it cascading to the ground. Where I would retrieve the urine stained bed linen, and promptly tie the narrow end of the sheet around my neck as a make shift cape.
An elderly woman who lived next door to us, had in her backyard a rickety old white picket fence, that was made from pointed lathe material woven into a wire mesh to construct the fence. Over the years the fence had deteriorated and some of the pointed lathe material had broken free from the woven wire mesh.
After donning my cape I would run to the fence and retrieve the longest piece of pointed lathe, I fancied it to be the best sword a pirate ever wielded.
I would then run up and down, the sidewalk with my cape fluttering behind me. I would taunt and terrorize any neighbors who stepped out of their houses to pickup the morning newspaper. I would brandish my sword, whirling it high over my head, and scream at the bewildered neighbors proclaiming, " I am Yellow Pants! The notorious Pee Pirate!" When they cringed in fear, I would laugh maniacally and would race off down the sidewalk to taunt the next neighbor.
Soon the neighbors learned that any time they saw my yellow urine stained bed sheets hanging from the porch screens, that their morning newspaper could be just as easily read in the afternoon. After Mom would force me to take a nap; proclaiming the afternoon hours of 1-3pm to be Polio Time!
Eventually I learned to wake up in time to make it to the bathroom, and stopped my bed wetting episodes, all on my own.
So Mom's methods never really worked. But they did create some fond memories, that I can now share with you!
Thanks Mom!
PS: I was a bed wetter as a child, though not a notorious one. All other accountings in this story are false!
My Mother had a unique, yet less than conventional way of attempting to modify my bed wetting behavior. She thought public humiliation was the way to deal with my bed wetting episodes.
As a child I always slept very deeply and would on occasion forget to wake up in time to stop from wetting the bed. On these occasions my mother would take the wet sheets and hang them outside from the top of the screens on the front porch. For all the neighborhood to see that, yet again I had wet the bed.
During the warmer months Mom would send me outside dressed only in my urine soaked underwear, and pee stained tee shirt. In stead of shoes I wore my winter golashes ( sp? ). ( Those old black rubber boots the type, with the metal buckles that were used to close the accordion style ankle closures. ) But I would only buckle the first 2-3 buckles, so the accordion ankle opening would jostle as I would walk, much like the large black leather boots worn by pirates.
On occasion the wind would pickup and tear one of the sheets from it's perch, sending it cascading to the ground. Where I would retrieve the urine stained bed linen, and promptly tie the narrow end of the sheet around my neck as a make shift cape.
An elderly woman who lived next door to us, had in her backyard a rickety old white picket fence, that was made from pointed lathe material woven into a wire mesh to construct the fence. Over the years the fence had deteriorated and some of the pointed lathe material had broken free from the woven wire mesh.
After donning my cape I would run to the fence and retrieve the longest piece of pointed lathe, I fancied it to be the best sword a pirate ever wielded.
I would then run up and down, the sidewalk with my cape fluttering behind me. I would taunt and terrorize any neighbors who stepped out of their houses to pickup the morning newspaper. I would brandish my sword, whirling it high over my head, and scream at the bewildered neighbors proclaiming, " I am Yellow Pants! The notorious Pee Pirate!" When they cringed in fear, I would laugh maniacally and would race off down the sidewalk to taunt the next neighbor.
Soon the neighbors learned that any time they saw my yellow urine stained bed sheets hanging from the porch screens, that their morning newspaper could be just as easily read in the afternoon. After Mom would force me to take a nap; proclaiming the afternoon hours of 1-3pm to be Polio Time!
Eventually I learned to wake up in time to make it to the bathroom, and stopped my bed wetting episodes, all on my own.
So Mom's methods never really worked. But they did create some fond memories, that I can now share with you!
Thanks Mom!
PS: I was a bed wetter as a child, though not a notorious one. All other accountings in this story are false!
"TT"
